Patrimony
by BeebleZeeble
Summary: Gary could use some advice on family.


"So, hypothetically speaking, would you be angry with George if he had been excited that Thom was a boy?" Gary asked Alanna, trying to sound casual.

Gary had been waiting for this moment all morning. The moment when he and his dear friend had finished sparring, and sat down to stretch after a brief but rigorous bout of swordplay. They always made it a point to practice together at least once whenever Alanna was visiting Corus. While Gary saw Alanna quite a bit on her visits- at meetings, at formal events, sometimes, if they were lucky, even at social events with their actual friends- it often felt like these practices were the only time either of them had to spend alone together. When they talked with each other one-on-one Gary sometimes felt like a page again, laughing and teasing with his younger friend. This morning however, Gary had something a bit weightier on his mind than old jokes.

"I'm sorry, what?" Alanna asked, squinting at Gary in bewilderment over her right arm as she stretched it across her chest.

Gary reached towards his toes as far as his protesting back allowed. This particular morning his body was sending him constant reminders that no matter how his heart felt, his body was certainly not that of a young page any longer.

"When you had Thom, would it have upset you if you found out George was excited that he was having a son?"

"As opposed to..?" Alanna replied tartly, now looking over her left arm with an eyebrow raised. Gary suddenly had a sinking feeling about where Alanna was going to come down on this particular issue.

"Why does opposition have to enter the arena?" Gary replied sourly, crossing his legs and leaning back against the wall of the training court. The only free time either of them had in their schedules was early enough that he wasn't concerned about other fighters wanting to use their court to practice. They probably had at least another half hour before even the early risers began to trickle in. "Who said anything about opposites?"

"But you do mean, would I have been upset if I found out that George was more excited about a boy than he would be about, say, a girl?" Alanna asked him, an edge in her voice. She crossed her legs as well, and leaned forward, her expression incredulous, like she couldn't believe Gary had asked her something so obvious.

"Just that, say, having a son really meant something to him," Gary said. "That it had emotional significance to him. Is that really so awful an idea?" He braced himself for his friend's harsh response. Some might suggest that Alanna the Lioness was too volatile a person to broach such a loaded subject with, but Gary knew better. He sought Alanna out for this conversation precisely because he knew she would tell him exactly what she thought. _Nothing is more precious than the truth_, Gary reminded himself.

"Gary, did you tell Cythera that you didn't want your daughter anymore?" Alanna asked, with just the barest hint of a grin to assure Gary she wasn't being serious.

"No!" Gary exclaimed. "Of course not. I have more self-preservation instinct than that at least." He waited a beat to enjoy Alanna's soft chuckle, then continued, "But I may have inadvertently taken the side of my father over that of my wife in an argument I didn't know I was having."

Alanna gave him another incredulous look, "Right, that's the Gary I know: dim-witted and verbally clumsy, always hapless in an argument."

"I have my moments," Gary sniffed. "Besides, I was at a disadvantage. The precipitating incident happened years ago when I wasn't even there, so how was I supposed to know it was dangerous territory?"

Alanna said nothing, merely leaned back and gulped from her water skin, clearly waiting for him to get to the story already.

"Right. So, apparently way back when Gilmyn was born my father came to visit and at some point when I wasn't in the room he stared talking to Cythera about the joys of raising a son. You know, things about how wonderful it was that I had an heir to carry on that legacy with." Gary said this all as neutrally as possible, like he was summarizing one of his reports in a council meeting. Until Cythera had blown up at him earlier this week, Gary had viewed himself as an impartial third party to this fight.

Alanna pursed her lips, the expression she wore when she suspected she wasn't getting the full story.

Gary sighed, and continued on. "And apparently, when we had Zenoby he didn't say the exact same things to Cythera about having a daughter." Despite Gary's best intentions he heard defensiveness sneak into his formerly dispassionate tone.

"Ah," Alanna said, the word leaving her in a rush of air as she tipped her head in understanding. "And now, with your third child on its way, this subject came up again?"

"I honestly don't know what happened Alanna. One minute we were talking about potential names if the baby is a boy, and then next thing I know I'm being accused of chauvinism because I didn't react angrily enough to the fact that my father was excited about his first grandchild _four_ years ago!" Gary felt his cheeks growing warm as he finished.

Alanna made her skeptical face again, "Because you didn't get angry enough or because you took his side?"

Gary thought for a moment, wanting to ensure he was being totally honest. "It started out that she was upset that I didn't react to that, but then I tried to explain what my father was probably thinking and she felt that constituted taking his side over hers."

At that, Alanna raised both her eyebrows and formed her lips into a whistle as she let out a long breath. "Well, you're in it now Gary," she said finally. Gary was relieved that he could still see the faint hint of a grin tugging at her mouth, a sign that he hadn't done something too heinous.

"What?" Gary groaned.

"You really want to know?" Alanna asked seriously.

"Yes, I do," Gary replied. He crossed his arms, his hands balled into fists under his biceps.

Alanna gave him a look that said, _Are you sure about that?_

"I _do_," Gary insisted. He took a breath, and relaxed his arms back down to rest in his lap.

Alanna sighed, and Gary let the quiet stillness of the empty practice court hang between them as she choose her next words.

"Noble girls are born knowing their father would have preferred they were boys. We're a disappointment before we even draw our first breath. Knowing that, I imagine Cythera is just feeling protective of her daughter," Alanna finally replied, in a calm, matter-of-fact tone.

Gary stared at his friend in amazement. They seldom spoke of the first man she called father, and not for the first time Gary wondered how Alanna truly felt about Lord Alan.

"Alanna," Gary started kindly.

Alanna shook her head, not having any of his gentleness. "You said you wanted to know, and I'm telling you. Don't dismiss me just because you don't like what you're hearing."

"I'm not!" Gary snapped, feeling exasperated. "I just…I don't think that's a universal feeling."

Alanna gave him a withering look. "Boys bring you honor and glory, and continue your lineage. Girls bring you strife, and they cost you money. Everybody knows this, some just make it more obvious than others."

Now it was Gary's turn to sigh. "I'm not trying to dismiss you, but I am trying to understand. Are you suggesting that no lord loves his daughter?"

Alanna rolled her eyes. "I never said noble girls aren't loved, I only said they were a disappointment. Of course they're loved, and probably most of them are cherished and doted upon every day. But that doesn't change the fact that deep down inside, that besotted father knows that things would be much simpler if his sweet little girl was instead a tough little boy." She picked up her water skin again and sipped, her violet eyes boring into Gary as he processed what she said.

"I don't feel that way," Gary finally replied, after a long moment had passed. "I love Zenoby just as much as I love Gilmyn. I can't speak for other men, but I know I am not disappointed in my daughter." As he spoke, Gary thought about Zenoby's bouncing blonde curls, so like her mother's, and Zenoby's brown eyes, the same brown eyes he saw reflected back at him whenever he looked into a mirror. He thought about her big boisterous giggle, and her stubborn spirit. He thought about how, when he came home after a difficult day, everything would seem to melt away as Zenoby sprinted into his arms, shrieking "Papa! Papa!" As he thought, Gary braced himself for Alanna to accuse him of being dismissive again, but on this he knew he had to hold his ground. He was certain that this was his truth.

To his surprise, Alanna didn't chastise Gary, and instead smiled at him with a hint of sadness in her eyes.

"I believe you," Alanna said. "That's why I'm friends with you." She gave him a playful shove, and Gary smiled gratefully at her in return. "But all I'm saying is, there are a lot of people, men and women, who will think nothing of making it clear to Zenoby that she's not like her brother. They'll joke about the expense of her dowry, or how moody and difficult she'll be, or how you'll have to keep boys away from her with a stick, or whatever banal thing they can think of," Alanna turned to Gary now, facing him directly as she spoke. "And when they do, Zenoby will be watching you. When you laugh it off, or make excuses, or act like you don't notice, she'll start to wonder if that means you maybe, just a little bit, agree that she's more of a burden than her brother is." Alanna's face wore an expression Gary recognized as one she used on patients when they were receiving bad news._ I regret to inform you, you have a daughter whom you are emotionally failing. Condition may be terminal._

Gary reached his hand out for her water skin, and Alanna wordlessly passed it to him. Gary gulped down the water, letting his old friend's words sink in.

After a long moment had passed, he said to her, "So what you're saying is, your father really ought to have been pleased had he found out that you reinvented yourself as a boy?"

Alanna let out a sharp, surprised bark of laughter, and Gary felt his heart lighten slightly. Sometimes, often times, Gary didn't know the right thing to say, but he did know how to make people laugh at least. He hoped, as he always did, that laughter could at least begin to make up for the things he didn't know how to say right.

They filled the rest of the hour with lighter talk, sharing stories of spouses and other mutual friends. Gary knew he would miss Alanna once she left again, but that morning he struggled to keep his mind in the practice court. Once enough fighters had arrived to begin their own training, Gary and Alanna said their goodbyes.

Upstairs, in Gary's living quarters, his family was just starting their day. As Gary entered the door, he caught a blonde streak as it rushed him.

"Papa!" Zenoby shouted, smacking her father's arms in delight. Automatically Gary scooped her up and brought her in for a hug. As Gary held Zenoby close, his thoughts flashed for a moment to the future. He pictured Zenoby as the woman she would one day become, talking to a friend and casually saying, _Oh my father? I was a disappointment to him before I even drew my first breath_. Just the thought of it sent pain piercing through Gary's heart.

Zenoby squirmed and flailed, as eager to be freed as she had been to be held only a moment ago. Gary gently set her down and she raced away, giggling madly. As he watched his daughter, a small carefree girl who was beloved and cherished, Gary vowed that he would ensure that she always felt that way. Gary swore to himself that he'd do better, that he'd never again give either Cythera or Zenoby a moment to doubt his joy at having either of them in his life.


End file.
